Thursday, September 26, 2013

Guest Post- Stephen Julian

My friend, Stephen Julian, sent me a great email and I asked him if I could pass it on to my friends.  He was happy to agree.  If you like this, you'll want to check out more at

Life's Journey:
Becoming a mature version of yourself!

Core Principle
Principle: You are not going to change who you are fundamentally.

This principle is one I've staked my entire business on; it is also one that invites a great deal of pushback.

I'm not saying that people cannot change, grow, and mature over time. Obviously they should and most do.

I do believe that...

I do believe that we leave the womb hardwired in certain respects and that we spend our lives incorporating that wiring into the person we become. This is accomplished to varying degrees of success. Some people spend their entire lives trying to become who they're not. They are trying to please parents (often long dead), spouses (often long gone), employers, friends, children, and their own sense of what is commendable.

My goal: To become a mature version of myself. That's my hope for you as well.

So back to the principle: You are not going to change who you are fundamentally. If you are someone who views time as renewable and not as a primary value by which to measure success, then it is going to be difficult to become someone obsessed with timeliness.

Of course, whatever example I provide someone will say, "That's exactly what I've done." My responses: You weren't who you perceived yourself to be; you have worked awfully hard to become someone other than yourself; you've been under a lot of pressure from someone to live up to their expectations; or your one example doesn't disprove the general principle. I may not convince you that yours isn't a genuine counterexample, so, in your case, perhaps I'm wrong.

Practical Example 
Here's how this works. A driven CEO starts reading books on Emotional Intelligence and decides that he needs to become more nurturing, less driven. He works to invite criticism of his behaviors, goes on listening tours, makes lists of things he is now releasing, and so forth. If he is not careful he is learning the wrong lessons. Should he be a more mature version of himself? Absolutely. Should he learn to work EQ principles into his work style? Likely. But if he is not careful then all of the strengths he has brought to his position are in danger of being undermined as he seeks to become an enlightened version of himself. He needs to embrace his strengths, learn to express them in an appropriate and effective manner, and thencelebrate the strengths of others in his organization who bring insights that are foreign to his wiring.

Another way to express this: Quit seeking omni-competence. Recognize that no one puts all of the pieces of life together into the perfect pattern. Each of us is ultimately incomplete and in need of others. This is not failure, but a recognition of reality. A reality that allows us to value others and to build complementary relationships that are mutually affirming.

At Julian Consulting we help our clients become mature versions of themselves while discouraging efforts to become who they are not.  Call TODAY to determine how we can serve you in this process.

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