Expat Roller Coaster Life

Living outside of your home culture is tough. We've all heard the term "culture shock", but I think we use it with so much familiarity that we have taken the "shock" out of it. I mean- "shock" is, well, shocking. There's trauma involved, right?

Dictionary.com refers to shock like this-
–noun

1. Noun

a sudden and violent blow or impact; collision.

So, you would think that "culture shock" is a one time event... "one and done" type of thing. Well, it definitely is not.

Extended living outside your home culture leads to multiple levels of culture shock. It's what I would refer to as "Roller Coaster Life"- there are ups and downs and you live in the paradox- wanting more / wanting it to stop / having the time of your life / hating it / wanting off / being sick- all at the same time. Almost every emotion lurks very close to the surface and you can be a moment away from being set off.

In our pre-trip training, we learned that culture shock is "A normal and natural growth or transition process as we adapt to another culture".

Even that explanation details a "process"... and every process has a beginning and end. Well, I submit that some culture shock is enduring for those that live with one foot planted in the world of "the natives/nationals" and one planted in an the world of "the expats". Being positioned in this "in-between world", as we are (not fully working with one or the other, but both), it's necessary to wear multiple hats and switch them frequently- sometimes switching many times on a daily basis. It's a challenge.

Each group (nationals & expats) have their nuances, leading to handling situations very differently. How you set up a meeting with a national is not the same way you would with an expat. Greetings are different. How you handle "goodbye's" is much different. If you're not careful and you're wearing the wrong hat at the wrong time, you could inadvertently offend.

Now, let me note this... The nationals (and most expats?) that we work with realize that we are different (skin tone may have something to do with it!), and don't expect us to get everything right. They are super generous and gracious. I know of many times where they could have chose to be offended, but have taken the higher ground. I think that many nationals, in many worlds of the country, are very forgiving. They don't expect perfection, but, as time goes on, I think many of us expect our friends who are foreigners to adapt and start to "get it". We hope that we are on our way to "getting it" here.

So, back to the pre-field training. They told us that you basically have 3 choices to make:

Choice A: Fight or Flight (aka. "The Isolator")- Marked by rejection, insulation, regression, hostility, anger, disgust, disapproval, disappointment, ec. You have a "castle mentality", you dream of your home country, you don't develop local relationships, only go out when necessary.

Choice B: Understanding (aka. "The Cosmopolitan")- marked by curiosity, optimism, empathy, acceptance, humor, education, etc. You adjust & enjoy national and expat cultures, and move freely among both cultures.

Choice C: Defection (aka. "The Fugitive/Transformer")- marked by criticism of expat community, complete acceptance of new culture, rejection of old culture, adopt dress/food/speech, no plans to return to home cultural. You have little desire to be with other expats.

I would say that choice B is the most like where we are. Our "new normal" is a "roller coaster life" where we accept that days have any number of surprises in store. This realization doesn't make it any easier, but it helps to set expectations. Expectations are a big deal- if you don't set them well, your in for a horrible, frustrating, very no good day. So, to quote the final words of a recent movie, we're seeking a daily, mindset that"plans (expects) to be surprised".

I actually have started days with a my agenda on one side of my desk, full of the things that I planned for the day, and on the other side of the desk, I had a blank paper where I logged what actually transpired for the day. Some days would end and I would only have accomplished one of the items that I had planned.

Does stuff like that happen in our home country? For sure. The difference here is that those type of days are more of the "rule" than the "exception". It's our new normal.... the "expat roller coaster life".

Here are some of the challenges (the "new normal") that have us holding on for dear life recently:

> Joe and Meg (our kids) away at boarding school
> Our team mate, Celine, in Kenya for brain surgery
> Our team asking me to add duties to his already full schedule
> Primary and backup airplanes down for maintenance
> Protecting our home "space"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I grew up going to Hershey Park, an amusement park founded by the famous candy company in Pennsylvania. Almost every summer, we'd drive the 3 hours and ride the "Super Dooper Looper" and "The Comet". I'd ride them multiple times and never got "used" to it. It was never "normal" (who wants a "normal" roller coaster!?!). I did my best to keep my arms held high in the air, like the cool kids. It was awesome. I enjoyed it and grew close with the friends that I took the ride with.

The deal is, none of us can stand to be on a roller coaster for much longer than the 4 or 5 minutes that they last. It's an assault on your senses. You need some down time. Just like expats (missionaries, embassy workers, humanitarian workers, etc.) need a healthy dose of margin. That margin is a challenge to find. Without the margin, the roller coaster continues, on and on, passing the "loading station" without ceasing. What began as a great idea turns into a nightmare.

So, above all, I pray for you to find margin on the roller coaster that you've chosen to ride, so that each time on board you enjoy it and can be like the cool kids- smiling and laughing with your arms held high.